Thursday, October 25, 2012
Just give me one more chance, I cried...
Just give me one more chance, I cried. He continued to shake his head in disappointment. Thinking to myself, "why am I begging for him?" "Is it my fault?" When God has confirmed his wrongdoings to me more than once, in fact numerous times. I continue to bow my head and hands at his knees. I didn't want him to leave me. I didn't want to be alone. I need him. I need a man. I have stooped down to his level. I have given him my worship, and praise his flesh. His happiness meant my joy, my place of sanctuary, my oneness with God. I was a victim and have been labeled as a powerless woman who ignored her self-worth and became abused under the hands of a man. You cursed my life and spit on my soul, but all I wanted to achieve an endless goal or a goal that I could never reach, making you happy.
I say this because while I thought I was in your number one place, yet other girls filled the spot on a regular basis. Ignorance held me tight and wouldn't let my mind go. I basked in the passion of negative overflow. When the sun rises and God revealed once more who you were to me, the slate rock slipped off my back and God's spirit rescued me. I am no longer your fool and no longer your slave. I am beautiful and standing tall and your tricks can't deceive me, for them I will not fall. Lousy man, you! Do you not know? That God watches your thoughts and towards all women His mighty hand misdirects your blows? You must not know because, women you still mistreat. I have yet to find a man that believes women shouldn't be beaten.
I have overcome your abuse and I may have a permanent limp but I am still walking away from you. I have appreciated who I am and I am not my mistake or one man's blame. I am beautiful and a rare rose in this world. I central myself around people who believe the same, because life is too short to be stuck in your game. Women take courage, your worth is priceless and let no man tell you different.
- 30 years young, an INFP, JW, and happily married. I suffer from binge eating, PTSD, attention deficit disorder and generalized anxiety disorder. Life is a battle worth fighting. This is mainly a coping blog but may you find encouragement, hope, passion and survival stories.