Monday, September 10, 2012
Not many will ever take this journey, nor will they withstand the pressure of it. The journey I speak of is: Self-Discovery. I never imagine I would find myself waking up in a nutshell. I lost my mother and I lost my mind all in one shot. It just took awhile to understand that. I need singleness until I find my way through. I need to be "riding solo" just like Jason Derulo. I can only imagine being in a committed relationship with someone right now. Hot mess and no tell if I would kill him or myself.
Look at this way. When it rains, it pours, but sometimes you can only gain composure after the storm. That's where I fit in at. I need to gain the composure in my life after losing my mind. You can only push off grieving so much and then when you stop to catch your breath, your pain (storm cloud) just pour all over you like a syrup over pancakes. I need to pray and consider who I really am. I would hate to die not knowing that person inside of me. I know my mistakes I made but I've come to realized that is not who I am nor who I am trying to be. I hate my past life, and I live in the present, only to dream of the future. I sit to reason that I need to examine well, the present, and how it affects my life. I am a powerful person and I can only imagine, so instead of imagining I take action.
I am in the mission of finding who I am.
Last night, I watched "Eat.Love.Pray" with starring actress, Julia Roberts. This is me. I connected well with this film. I want to open my eyes, and stop crying: "Woe is me!" I want to open my eyes and heart and find what God tucked away inside. I am not finding myself for anyone else benefit, yet only for the benefit of me. I am so excited and will be ready to experience new emotions and break free the wall of society, peer pressure and insecurity. What is your mission?
Love you all, phir milenge (See you later.)
Kavya Dubashi aka/fka Kavika Ali Khan
- 30 years young, an INFP, JW, and happily married. I suffer from binge eating, PTSD, attention deficit disorder and generalized anxiety disorder. Life is a battle worth fighting. This is mainly a coping blog but may you find encouragement, hope, passion and survival stories.