Stories of my Life

Sunday, April 1, 2012

Opening my eyes, toward a new life...

Living life without my mother, I have opened my eyes to possibilities and flaws that stand before me. Living with my sister and being closer to her, has been a quite new experience versus living with her and Mom. I have lost friends and I have gained the ones I thought would leave me. It hurts a lot. I have left all my friends in real life only to come back online to lose the ones that I had. My new lifestyle is lonely and full of grief over my mother and my living situation. I have changed my outlook on life and learned how to look and accept myself.

I am not fully Indian but I am Native American Indian descent and my dad is of African American descent and from his abuse towards my mom I don't claim him at all. I have silky hair and beautiful eyes. I love Indian culture and wish to marry an Indian but I have accepted that I might not be able to marry an Indian man but I will not sway from my passion and love for India. I lived my online life wanting to be Indian, and pretending to be Indian but I am not. I wake up every morning wishing I was Indian, wearing sarees, singing and dancing to Bollywood, speaking native Hindi, and eating Jalebi, Samosas, Aloo Tikki and Pani Poori but that's just my only dream. I am done chasing people in India, asking questions from people who may or may not care for my genuine request to see who I really am and who I want to be in my life, my relationship with God, and my love for all people of all nationalities.

The problem that lies with mixed people (meaning two races in one person) I think that they are the most open to interracial dating and marriage. I mean, who would you match with them? The universal problems that most ancestors don't accept change. The world has gone past racial dating. We have evolved from accepting gays as known as homosexuals. So, why haven't we accepted everyone for whatever race with are mixed with??? I am so curious. We painted rainbows in honor of homosexuals who date mostly interracial, however we spread hate and show favoritism towards certain races. I am not judging others but I invite everyone to open their minds.

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Bharatiya =)

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30 years young, an INFP, JW, and happily married. I suffer from binge eating, PTSD, attention deficit disorder and generalized anxiety disorder. Life is a battle worth fighting. This is mainly a coping blog but may you find encouragement, hope, passion and survival stories.