Stories of my Life

Saturday, October 1, 2011

What I would give....

What would I give to lie in your arms? What would I do to get to you when you are so far? Just to be in your heart, be the reason you wake up with a smile, and be the one who you think about... I am so afraid to approach you, to speak to you... I let my shyness overcome; I won’t even look at you! I Google subjects just to have something to say, but when I click in my message my fear steals it away. I stop and hold the "backspace" deleting how I really feel... I want to know how you feel about me, but I hesitate to ask...because of the crazy things that you might say... I fear your words all of them to this very day. I could act like I don’t but God made my heart so sensitive and weak, that just the radiance of your beauty has stolen my words I cannot speak. I just sit here and keep smiling because of the happy times we had. I want to keep that smile on my face, if ever there are words of hurt to be said to me please keep them with you. Just know that I smile because of you and I dance in my room as if I danced for you, I cry as if you were there with me to care, I lay as if you were my husband with me to lay, I hug myself as if you were hugging me, I sing out loud as if you ears were listening to every note I sung, I enjoy things I do and if they are all with you.

However, there are moments of sadness that steals me away and bring me down; because reality has a way of biting through your dreams and showing me that you are not around. It makes me realize that I look very stupid for smiling for nothing or no one, I look very silly dancing in my room when no one is watching me, I look insane or mad hugging myself when mental patients are forced to hug themselves, I sound crazy singing for someone that can’t hear me no matter how good or bad I sing, I am not married so why is my bed so big for two when I am only one. I can live like you here but reality will always set me straight in thought.

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Bharatiya =)

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30 years young, an INFP, JW, and happily married. I suffer from binge eating, PTSD, attention deficit disorder and generalized anxiety disorder. Life is a battle worth fighting. This is mainly a coping blog but may you find encouragement, hope, passion and survival stories.