Saturday, October 8, 2011
Two Separate Worlds...
I fell for it...
Boy, did I fall hard?! I couldn't believe how much I loved you. You were a star in my sky, the reoccurring dream, the sparkle in my eyes. I took the chance and gave you my heart, knowing that we would never be. This religious barrier was there between us but, your ray of love shined through. I keep blocking you out of my heart because religiously you can never be apart of it or my life. One day, it dawned on me and my feelings became strong, overbearing that they begin to strike my heart as if a hammer strikes a nail in tough wood. I took a sledge hammer and I begin cursing and destroying that wall between us. Each day that passed by, I used all my strength, my soul and the power invested in me to reach you, to enjoy your happiness, your faith, and all you had to offer. I would stare at your picture gazing in your big brown eyes. I would see the world's seven wonders exposed to my discretion.
Time continued to pass and I realized that you were pulling away. The wall I was breaking down begin to build up so fast brick by brick, and gotten stronger than before. Grabbing my sledge hammer of true love, I gave strong blow at the wall of religion but, no success. Later on, I realized that my knocks were becoming silent inside and my shouts and rants were silent than a mouse's squeak. I noticed how quick you were moving out of my heart, packing your things and carrying on without me. There was a little pile of ashes in my heart that is where you left the love that once burned a short while for me.
More time continues to pass and I come to reality...sweet cruel reality. I am worthless. I am the scum on the bottom of a shoe; the dust a broom sweeps away; the smoke from a burning corpse; the thin cloud in the sky on a sunny day; the star that grows weak and weaker in the midnight sky; the rain that travels down the dirty, dark drain. I cant never experience the love of a man who belongs to a different religion. I have loved more than one under the reproachful sun. I have dreamed of true love without a barrier but, I come to fully realized that love is governed by religion and politics. Love is weak and is not possible in Interfaith with anyone. Correct me if I am wrong... No one can break the caste system. No one can love outside of religion, unless they are willing to lose and succumb to a devastating heartache. No matter how long they fight, fight, fight, what one person believes and put faith in, to them and only to them, is what they consider to be right.
I came in a room with droplets on my shirt and someone asked me if it was raining, but they failed to notice it was raining...It was the precious rain from my eyes. :'(
- 30 years young, an INFP, JW, and happily married. I suffer from binge eating, PTSD, attention deficit disorder and generalized anxiety disorder. Life is a battle worth fighting. This is mainly a coping blog but may you find encouragement, hope, passion and survival stories.