Stories of my Life

Monday, September 5, 2011

A Lyfe I Always Wanted...

Ever lived a life where your body was one place but your heart was somewhere else? I have and I continue each day of my life living that way. My heart and soul is in Bhopal, Madhya Pradesh, India. Wandering in the streets of America pass the bakeries, but my nose smell the sweetness of Jalebis down Chhola Rd. I looked out among the rivers of Michigan but my eyes pictured Bhoj Taal (Upper Lake) instead. I knew in this little heart of mines, beating so full of joy wonder that I belonged in India. I didn't understand how to get there, or how to speak Hindi, but I knew that life was going to be content for me there, only there.


 My heart was born at 9:08am on April 12 in Bhopal, Madhya Pradesh, India. The way I was raised, my teachings of God, the love that made me, and all these things I had within me. I was blessed but the gift I received was of no benefit here. The way I live my life, the way I comb my hair, the way my toes curled in the grass, the way the wind blew around my body, the stance I took, the pride I have inside me, the way I love, the hospitality I give, and the way I look at the moon, stars and the sun. Time has lost its essence to tell. The time my heart was living was GMT+05:30 hours ahead. I have lived in a country where no one understood me, cared about my thoughts, my life or the people in it. Just because your body was conceived in one country, one state, and one city doesn't mean that is where you belong. Life is what you make it. In America, I can't make it a home. I feel here is not where I belong.


Summarily, I have tried the american way of life to find myself, and I recognized I was depriving myself of freedom, culture, manner and contentment and other things I never experienced before. I plea and plea with tears in my eyes, asking God, why?? Why is this lifestyle, that I was living, working against me?? I pray for Him to find my heart. He did, after so many mistakes, challenges, and errors that I made he found my heart, right where it was all along, in Bhopal, Madhya Pradesh, India. Suddenly, it all made complete sense, my lifestyle was not fit for America, because here, I do not wish to succeed or gain. I was meant to live and that sudden desire, within me, grew and continued to grow, I begin to yearn and learn my heart's surroundings...India. The reason I was not progressing here in life was because my progress was in Bhopal, Madhya Pradesh, India, where I belong. Mere ghar. (My home.)

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Bharatiya =)

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29 years young, an INFP, JW, and happily married. I suffer from binge eating, PTSD, attention deficit disorder and generalized anxiety disorder. Life is a battle worth fighting. This is mainly a coping blog but may you find encouragement, hope, passion and survival stories.

o_O